


I Loved Her First

by Kotodashi_Kyoshi (Cinnamon_Silvertiger)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks to 8th year, Ministry christmas gala, Second Chances, after the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28401564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamon_Silvertiger/pseuds/Kotodashi_Kyoshi
Summary: My fancast for Thorfinn will always be Charlie Hunnam
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger/Thorfinn Rowle
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	I Loved Her First

**Author's Note:**

> My fancast for Thorfinn will always be Charlie Hunnam

Red.

Ruby red painted lips that frame perfectly straight, white teeth.

Green.

Emerald green silk that falls around freckled sun kissed shoulders, down her petite frame, trailing along the floor behind her.

White.

She's dripping in diamonds. Something he thought he would never see. Her neck is adorned in a diamond and pearl necklace, large chandelier diamonds fall from her ears matching a rather large cuff on her wrist.

Of course she would be wearing red and green at the annual Ministry Christmas Gala. It always was her favorite time of year.

He'd always thought she glowed at Christmas.

0o0

_He's surprised to see that she was sitting alone at the table in the Great Hall. It's Christmas Eve, he had assumed she would go home to see her parents. She'd always been extra cheery around the holidays years past, but tonight she looked sad. His body makes a decision to walk towards her, and before his mind can catch up he's sitting across from her._

_She looks up at him, only slightly startled, before a small smile appears on her face. "Didn't feel like going home either?"_

_He shakes his head and starts filling his plate with food. "Mother went to Paris for the Holidays, so I'd have been alone anyways. What about you? Figured if you weren't going home you'd have gone to see Potter and Weasley."_

_Another small smile and a tilt of her head, "my parents are…also on holiday. As for Ron and Harry, they are busy in Auror training so I wouldn't have been able to see them much."_

_He watches her pick at the food on her plate, and decides that they could both use some cheering up. "How about we go on a walk after dinner? It's snowing, we can go decorate one of the trees by the lake."_

_Her face lights up at the idea, "that sounds great! Christmas has always been my favorite holiday but somehow it just doesn't seem cheery this year."_

_Later that evening, while they are decorating a sparse tree by the edge of the lake, she looks at him with her pink cheeks and tells him "thank you" in a frosty covered whisper._

_He decides then that he likes when he is the one making her smile._

_0o0_

She smiles and laughs with the group she's talking to, not realizing all of the attention she's receiving from the males around her.

Draco smirks as he brings his tumbler of fire whiskey up to his lips and sips. Leave it to her to be the most breath taking woman in the room, yet completely unaware of it.

Blue.

She raises her glass of champagne to her lips and the blue rock on her finger catches the light, sparkling at him in warning, like a stormy sea. He can't tell if it's a sapphire or a diamond, but it's another added extravagance he thinks she'd be better off without

So she was married.

0o0

" _I would have pegged you for a ruby kind of girl." Draco motions to the rubies encased in various types of golds, a little further down the case._

_She rolls her eyes, "why? Because it's a Gryffindor color? I'll have you know I'm actually quite partial to blue, thank you very much. Although, something much smaller than your mother is used to I'm sure."_

_She eyes the ring he's picking up for Narcissa, one of the Malfoy heirlooms that had been sent in for cleaning. Draco picks it up and slips it on her finger, and they laugh as it covers the better part of both her ring finger and middle finger._

_"Yes, definitely too big for me." She hands it back and turns, heading over towards the watches, not even phased that he'd placed a ring on her finger._

_Like it was the most natural thing in the world._

_0o0_

"Draco! Mate!" Blaise Zabini makes his way through the crowd. He hasn't seen him in almost three years. Blaise visited him in Paris often, when he first moved there after their final year at Hogwarts. But then life got in the way and they both became busy with their jobs. Blaise working at the Ministry and Draco being in Paris for the last five years, running the potions lab that his family owned.

This is the first time he's been back to London since he left. He hadn't so much as picked up an issue of The Daily Prophet, not caring to keep up with the news of Wizarding London. Not caring to see her face splashed on the cover week after week due to Rita Skeeter's obsession with the trio. Particularly Hermione's love life, he hadn't thought he could stand it.

"Glad to see you could make it, your mother was beside herself to finally have someone accompany her. You know this is her favorite event of the year," Blaise nudges him.

Draco's eyes roamed the crowd until they settle on his mother, who does indeed look like she's truly enjoying herself. She'd also visited him quite often, understanding his need of keeping his distance until the aftermath of the war had died down.

He'd been mocked and laughed at, ridiculed for his fathers actions, for his actions. After a testimony from Potter and Hermione herself, he'd gotten off with probation for a year. He'd kept his head down, gone back to Hogwarts to finish his final year, had every intention of leaving as soon as it was over.

Had no intention of falling in love with Hermione.

0o0

_It's empty in the library, curfew is just an hour away and most of the students have gone back to their common rooms. But he doesn't want to go back, all the "eighth years" are sharing a common room. He can't stand all the staring and hurried whispers that followed him._

_"You're going to put an ink stain in your parchment."_

_He blinks, he'd recognize the voice anywhere. Her screams haunt him at night. But beyond that, he's been attuned to the sound of her voice for the last eight years._

_Draco looks up, silver meets honey, and she motions to his quill that is poised over his essay, about to drip ink over the last paragraph he'd written._

_He quickly puts the quill back in the ink pot and looks back up at her questioningly. She's unpacking her bag at his table and sitting down._

_"I know you wanted to finish this year quietly, but you know that's not going to happen. With you ignoring everyone you're only making it worse. You might as well try, Draco. It's only for a year, Blaise mentioned you're headed off to Paris after that."_

_He's quiet for a long time, watching her work, before asking, "why are you being nice to me?"_

_She pauses and eventually looks up at him, a small smile on her face. "Because I think had the circumstances been different, you and I would have been great friends."_

_He watches, bewildered, as she starts on her homework. He can't believe that she's being civil to him, after everything that had happened. The way he'd treated her, what had happened to her in his home, his role in Dumbledore's death._

_She looks up after a few minutes of him staring at her and raises an eyebrow, "don't overthink it, Draco. I still think you're a prat."_

_But there is no malice in her voice and she's smirking, and he finds himself smirking back before picking up his quill again._

_0o0_

He watches Blaise twirl Daphne around on the dance floor. They'd gotten married a year ago, he'd gone to the ceremony in Sicily, but hadn't stayed for long. It was a painful reminder of what he might have been able to have, had he been a stronger man and stayed, instead of running off to Paris.

Leaning against the bar, he sighs, eyes sweeping the room for her again. A few moments later when he feels a hand on his arm, he knows its her.

"Fancy seeing you here, Mr. Malfoy."

He turns and his breath catches in his throat, she's stunning, and he realizes he's never really gotten over her. He wonders if he ever will.

"Please, Granger, don't call me that. It makes me feel old." He turns and motions to the bartender for drinks for them both. "But I guess it's not Granger anymore is it?"

She blushes and glances down at her ring, "no, it's not. How are you? How is Paris?"

Draco notices how quickly she changes the subject but lets it go. "Paris is starting to get boring. I'll be back permanently at the end of the month. I think I've done my time away. I'm happy to be home again."

He doesn't say that he's unhappy to find her married. That it's enough to make him stay in Paris, even if he's really ready to come home.

"I'm happy you're coming back, I still don't think you should have left. But I'm rather interested in your work, Blaise says you'll be making potions for St. Mungos. I think that's wonderful." She lifts her champagne and sips it, and he can't take his eyes off her lips.

"I've always loved potions, and it feels good, to be able to help. To have the Malfoy name mean something worthy again. Helping instead of hurting."

She smiles, "and what about you? Are you bringing back a perfect Parisian pureblood wife? I hadn't heard anything in the papers about a wedding?"

He shakes his head, "no. Not married, I work too much. I didn't hear anything about your wedding, due to me never reading the Prophet for that exact reason. Whose the lucky bloke?"

Before she can answer, they're interrupted by a weedy looking man with blonde hair and glasses. "Excuse me, Mrs. Rowle. Your husband just wanted me to let you know that he's terribly sorry he's running so late and that he will be here soon. They're just wrapping up a case."

He watches as she smiles and nods politely, thanking the man. But he's holding his breath and his blood has run cold.

0o0

_They've been doing homework together for a few months now, sharing small talk here and there. She says they are becoming friends, but he wonders what would happen if Potter or Weasley happened to stop by the school. Would she still claim him as a friend?_

_It's Halloween. There's a huge party back in their common room but he doesn't feel much like drinking with anyone, even if people have slowly started warming up to him due to Hermione's influence. She hadn't been present in the common room either, but its storming outside and he knows how she hates storms. He seeks her out in an alcove in the very back of the library that she likes to read in. There's a large bay window with a bench, big enough for her to curl up with a book, isolated enough to cast a Silencing charm so she doesn't have to listen to the thunder._

_Sure enough, its where he finds her. Wrapped in a blanket, hair piled on top of her head, nose burried in a book. He watches her for a moment, he's always found her attractive. Now that he's free to admit it to himself, he wonders if he would ever possibly admit it to her. He knows she's not dating Weasley, and he has a feeling that maybe she finds him attractive as well, if the looks she sneaks him when she thinks he doesn't know are anything to go by._

_She looks up from her book and smiles when she sees him standing there, motioning for him to come sit with her and moving to make room, the blanket falling from her shoulders._

_He freezes and raises a curious eyebrow. "Is that a Slytherin Quidditch jersey you're wearing?"_

_She blushes and shifts to cross her arms over her chest but he sees the name printed across the front before she can cover it._

_Rowle._

_Well, that is interesting, and highly disappointing._

_"Yea," she laughs nervously, "I'm sure you remember Thorfinn Rowle? He was a seventh year when we were in first."_

_"He was also a Death Eater, one that attacked you in a coffee shop once if I'm correct?" he replies coldly._

_She deadpans, "you were on the wrong side of the war too, don't throw stones."_

_Before he can ask her what throwing stones has anything to do with it, she continues. "And yes, he did attack us in a coffee shop along with Dolohov. But he didn't really attack us, he threw small non-consequential spells, and didn't even aim them at us. Just made it look like he did. He didn't really have a choice in joining Voldemort's side either, just like you."_

_"And how is it you came to be in possession of his Quidditch jersey? Better yet, why are you wearing it?" He can't help the jealousy that creeps into his voice when he asks. He sits down on the other side of the bench, stretching his legs out and caging her between them and the window._

_A knowing smile appears on her face and she looks pensive for a moment, "I caught him and Dolohov changing the ingredients in Snape's potions storage closet. As much as I hated Snape, I was going to tell on them when he grabbed me and locked us in a nearby broom closet. Told me he wasn't gonna let me go until I promised not to say a word. We were locked in there for nearly four hours, before he finally convinced me that Snape deserved it. Harry and I had already been suspicious of Snape for other things, so I eventually decided to go along with it. That, and after listening to his cocky self for that many hours I was ready to get out of that broom closet. But before he let me go, he told me he'd give me a present at the end of the year for keeping their secret, and as I was turning to tell him I didn't want a present from him, the big oaf kissed me. Told me I needed to loosen up, and then walked out of the broom closet like nothing had happened."_

_Draco rolls his eyes and realizes he's clenching the edge of her blanket, rolling it between his fingers. He notices her cheeks are pink and she's staring out the window wistfully._

_"So what? The present ended up being his Quidditch jersey?" he asks gruffly._

_She nods, "yes it was. He sought me out the last day of school and gave it to me all bundled up. Told me not to open it until I got home. You can imagine my surprise when I found out what it was. I wrote him an owl and sent it back telling him I wasn't interested in such a present. But he sent it back and told me to keep it and think of him while I was off getting into trouble of my own. Told me I'd have made a great Slytherin. Of course he'd heard about the troll, and about how Harry, Ron and I had gotten into the trouble with Quirrel. We actually kept writing letters for a few years, until what happened at the Department of Mysteries in fifth year. We didn't speak or write to each other again after that."_

_Draco is quiet for a while. It doesn't surprise him that another Slytherin had taken interest in her, there were many Slytherins that had taken interest in the Gryffindor Princess over the years._

_"So what, you wear it when your about to get into trouble?" he asks finally._

_She gives a small laugh and looks from the window to him, "I think I've had enough trouble to last me a lifetime."_

_They lock eyes for a few moments before he moves closer to her, reaching for her chin and lifting her face to look up at him. Her breath catches in her throat and her eyes widened slightly, but she tilts her head up willingly._

_"I guess a little more trouble couldn't hurt," she whispers._

_He leans down and kisses her._

_She doesn't wear the jersey for the rest of the year._

_0o0_

"So the Viking managed to catch you after all." he sneers, downing the rest of his champagne.

Hermione frowns, "don't do that, Draco."

"What did you do? Run right into his arms after I left?"

She looks taken aback for a moment before narrowing her eyes at him. "You are the one who decided to still leave. I asked you to stay, Draco. I told you I didn't care about anything anyone had to say, you still chose to run away."

"You could have gone with me, I asked you to go with me, Hermione. You know the public would have crucified us here. The war heroine and the ex Death Eater, your name would have been ruined. I couldn't do that to you."

"Finn and I never had a problem! I run the MLE for Merliln's sake, and he's right under Harry in the Auror department!" She whispers angrily.

People are beginning to watch the pair, quietly arguing, by the bar with curiosity. She looks around and closes her eyes for a moment, gaining her composure.

"Well then, I guess _Finn_ is the better man after all."

"Stop it, Draco. That isn't fair. You did what you had to do, you left. And I did what I had to do, I had things I wanted to accomplish here. I didn't want to run away to Paris, I loved you. But I was never the type of girl to throw away my own dreams to chase a boy."

He's silent, angry, but knows she's right. It hadn't been fair of him to ask her to go with him, and it hadn't been fair of her to ask him to stay.

0o0

_They'd been shagging like rabbits for weeks, spending all of their spare time together, finding places all over the castle to consummate their newly formed relationship. Students had shaken their heads in disapproval, they'd been warming up to him until they realized what was going on between the Gryffindor and Slytherin._

_Hermione was their prized war heroine. He was just a lowly ex Death Eater who hadn't had a choice, but still wasn't good enough for her._

_It bothers him. But she doesn't seem to care. She sits next to him in class, and at dinner. She grabs for his hand in the hall whenever someone passed by them with a sneer._

_It doesn't take him long to realize most of her friends aren't even speaking to her anymore. Most of the time it's just them, sometimes they'd be joined by Blaise and Theo._

_She's basically being ostracized, if she decides to remain with him._

_Tonight he's in the Room of Requirement with Blaise and Theo, they'd snuck in a few bottles of firewhiskey from Hogsmeade and are currently settled around a fire, just like they used to do in the Slytherin common room._

_"So, since you and Granger can't keep your hands off each other does that mean you're going to stay and not go to Paris?" Blaise asks._

_Before he can answer though, Theo snorts into his drink and rolls his eyes. "They are going to tear you two apart if you do that."_

_Draco frowns and settles a steely gaze on the tall brunette, "what is that supposed to mean?"_

_Theo looks up from his drink, eyes darting from Draco to Blaise and back again. "Are you kidding me? You're shagging the Gryffindor Princess, Drake. I'm surprised Skeeter hasn't gotten wind of it already. No matter what anyone says, they are going to splash you two all over the Prophet. They'll think you're just using her to make your name good again. Or think you've Imperio'd her."_

_Draco shakes his head in astonishment, before catching the look Blaise was giving Theo. "Is that what people are saying?"_

_Blaise looks down at his glass and shrugs, "does it really matter? You know Hermione doesn't care about any of that."_

_"I care! I'm not gonna tarnish her reputation because people can't mind their own damn business. I'm tired of dealing with it, it's exhausting. No matter what I do, people aren't going to forgive or forget easily."_

_"Just ask her to go with you." Theo suggests._

_Now it's Blaise's turn to snort into his drink, "Hermione Granger isn't going to drop her plans to chase a boy to Paris. She's got big plans for the Ministry. If I were you Draco, I'd just stay. You love her don't you? So prove it."_

_"Why does he have to stay and deal with all that shit? It wouldn't be fair to him. He's been through enough." Theo argues._

_As the two boys get into it, Draco just stares into the fire._

_0o0_

A song starts playing and he holds a hand out to her, "dance with me?"

She looks startled that he asked, but takes his hand and lets him lead her out onto the dance floor. Over her head he catches Blaise's disapproving stare. She's a married woman now, and given that Hermione and he stayed friends after Hogwarts, Blaise knows that Rowle isn't exactly a fan of Draco's knowing the past that he and Hermione share.

He wraps a hand around her waist and pulls her close. She rests her chin on his shoulder and sways with him, closing her eyes.

"In another time, in another world, I would have made you the happiest woman alive," he whispers into her ear. "I never stopped loving you."

"You could have made me that woman in this time, in this world. Now you just show up after five years and expect to find me waiting. But I love him, you know. Thorfinn, I really do love him."

He grips her waist tighter and opens his mouth to say he suspects she's loved Rowle since they were younger but knows she still has feelings for him as well, but is interrupted by Thorfinn himself.

"May I cut in? Hermione, darling, I'm sorry for keeping you waiting."

He's bigger than Draco remembers, and as Hermione steps out of his arms and into the waiting arms of her husband, he can't help but think that she fits perfectly against Rowle's frame.

"Welcome back, Malfoy. Thanks for keeping my girl company." Thorfinn grins at him. Draco can hear a slight annoyance in his tone.

Blaise and Daphne find him by the bar and Blaise orders them shots.

"They look perfect together, don't they?" Daphne sighs, watching Thorfinn twirl Hermione around.

The couple seemed to have captured the attention of most of the room. Draco had to agree, they did make a stunning pair. The last five years have been good to them. He hates it.

"It's unsettling," he grumbles.

"Why? Because she's a Muggle?" Daphne asks, genuinely curious. She didn't go back to Hogwarts after the war, so she hadn't been around to witness how close Hermione and Draco had become, and Blaise hadn't told her because Draco had wanted to forget it all had ever happened.

0o0

" _Why?! Draco, everything was fine just a few days ago. What changed your mind?!" Tears stream down her face and her voice is hoarse from arguing with him._

_It was the week of their graduation. But he's gotten special permission to leave the school early now that exams are finished. He's headed straight for Paris once he stops at the Manor._

_"Hermione, you know that this is how it has to be. It will be better for us both if I just go."_

" _You promised you'd stay! What has changed? Is it because of the things that people are saying? Because you know I don't care about any of that."_

_She reaches out for him and he jerks away from her like she'd burned him. It's enough to stop her where she stands as her eyes grow wide._

_"It's because I'm a Muggleborn isn't it? Now that we're done with school and have to go out into the real world, you don't want to tarnish your name by being with me?" she cries._

_He turns around so quick that she has to back up to avoid them colliding. "You know very well that has nothing to do with it, Hermione. You have things you need to do here. I'm not going to stay and have your reputation tarnished by my name."_

_"Then I'll go with you!"_

_He stops and sighs, his shoulders dropping as her quiet sobs continue. "You have big things to do here, Hermione. You're going to be the Minister of Magic someday, you can't do that with me by your side."_

_"I love you! Draco, you git! Doesn't that mean anything?"_

_He freezes and wants to reach out for her, wants to comfort her, doesn't she realize how hard this is for him? He realizes he's going to have to be cruel to be kind._

_He knows she'll never forgive him._

_So he tells her she's right, it's her heritage. That he'd been lying when he said he didn't want to ruin her reputation and he was more worried about his own. He didn't want the Malfoy name being ruined by a Muggleborn._

_She yells, and beats her small fists against his chest and calls him a liar. He wants to tell her she's right, and that he's madly in love with her._

_But he won't ruin her._

_So he leaves her. He doesn't try to contact her._

_And she lets him go. Because she's not going to chase after a man who doesn't think she's worth fighting for._

_0o0_

"No, it's not because she's a Muggle." He takes his shot, as Rowle leans in to kiss Hermione.

"It's because I loved her first."

**Author's Note:**

> Thinking of maybe doing two companion pieces to this...one during 8th year showing all the little moments between Hermione and Draco and another where Hermione catches Thorfinn and Dolohov in the potions storage closet...but I’m not sure yet. I haven’t entirely come back to writing.


End file.
